Ammie Not Amy

More from Yogi Bhajan

You have to be you and that can only happen if you love yourself. - Yogi Bhajan

This explains why I'm not sure of myself in a nutshell.

Compliment?

So, I just have to get something off my chest that's been bugging me.  Several times over the last few months I've had several family members and friends ask me the question that every recipient of WLS dreads -

  "Are you up a few pounds?"  

I am and I'm not gonna lie about it.  I'm ashamed, embarrassed, and angry at myself, but I'm up about 8-10 pounds (depends on the day).  That, in and of itself, bugs me more than you could ever know, but what bugs me more is the response I've been getting to my very honest admission.  Are you ready for it?  Can you guess what it is?  

"Oh good! I was getting a little worried.  You were starting to look a little gaunt"

Gaunt?  Are you freaking kidding me?   Really? 130 (my low) is the going rate for gaunt these days? While I'm sure that their response is meant as a compliment on my current weight (which I hate, I might as well weigh 200+ pounds again because I feel no different now) it feels awful.  It feels like an excuse to fail.  It makes me feel angry that I worked so hard to get to that number, to feel good about myself and then when I'm no longer there it's like they're stomping all over that hard work and confidence that I gained.  It's a slap in the face and makes me wonder if people say things like this because they are happy to see me fail. Another reason it bothers me so much is that 130 was still 8 pounds shy of my doctor's goal weight for me.  130 was BARELY within the "normal" BMI range for my height.  Had I not picked up a nice little transfer distraction (not quite an addiction but definitely a transfer from one bad habit to another) I'd still be at 130 and what would all of those well-meaning people have to say then?  When I try to explain my frustration to them over their comments they act like I'm some weight obsessed waif with an eating disorder.  And while I realize these people love and care about me, I can't seem to get over the mess that this "compliment" has left in my head.  

Sober

so⋅ber

  [soh-ber]  Show IPA adjective, -er, -est, verb

Use sober in a Sentence

–adjective

1.	not intoxicated or drunk.

2.	habitually temperate, esp. in the use of liquor.

3.	quiet or sedate in demeanor, as persons.

4.	marked by seriousness, gravity, solemnity, etc., as of demeanor, speech, etc.: a sober occasion.

5.	subdued in tone, as color; not gay or showy, as clothes.

6.	free from excess, extravagance, or exaggeration: sober facts.

7.	showing self-control: sober restraint.

8.	sane or rational: a sober solution to the problem.

–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)

What are you trying to avoid in excess?  Food, Alcohol, Sex, Shopping, Drugs?  And how do you feel good when you're sober because I can't seem to figure that out these days?