Ammie Not Amy

Yogi Bhajan says...

When you cannot control your eating,

you have no control over your metabolism

and that is linked to self-respect,

self-exertion, and self effectiveness.

Once you gain control over your eating,

you can control anything.

This was in my Yogi Bhajan everyday calendar today.  It really is true.

A-ha!

Ok...let me just start by saying that I AM FINE.  I haven't been hauled off to a padded room (not yet anyway).  When I wrote my last post I was in the midst of indulging in my alternative addiction and had an a-ha moment when I realized what a fine mess I was in.  I guess the fact that I was able to recognize that I was trading one addiction for another was a good indication that I'm not completely an addict (does that sound like a justification).  There was a moment of clarity there and I have made a conscious effort to abstain from the new addiction since that moment.  Unfortunately, that just means that I've had all of this nervous energy and have been popping little bits of this and that into my mouth at various times during the day. The scale is reflecting those little bits of this and that which makes me an unhappy camper.  I did have a very profound experience last week that has helped pull me out of the fog of depression that I'd been wandering in for a couple of months now.  That has made a huge improvement.  I guess what I'm admitting here is that (even though I REALLY don't want to) I need help.  I can't do this on my own.  I need some guidance on how to cope with my addictive tendencies or at least try and turn them into a positive.  This sucks!  This feels like a failure but I realize that the only person I'll be hurting by not seeking help is myself.  I do not want to have a regain.  I do not want to gain a new problem.  I think I just hit the nail on the head there.  

 I do not want to gain a new problem.